A Personal Reflection and Appreciation by Ted Comet "Preserving my sanity... countering aloneness and despair... the only place I can openly express my pain, loss and anger... gaining valuable insights and direction" These responses by members of my Alzheimer's Spouse Support Group vividly describe what we have gained from our weekly meetings. They movingly convey both the desperation of our situation as spouse caregivers and the great value of the healing experience provided by the Alzheimer's Association, New York City Chapter. What makes these sessions so helpful?

A Personal Reflection and Appreciation by Ted Comet "Preserving my sanity....countering aloneness and despair.....the only place I can openly express my pain, loss and anger .....gaining valuable insights and direction" These responses by members of my Alzheimer's Spouse Support Group vividly describe what we have gained from our weekly meetings. They movingly convey both the desperation of our situation as spouse caregivers and the great value of the healing experience provided by the Alzheimer's Association, New York City Chapter. What makes these sessions so helpful?

First is the recognition that no matter how sympathetic friends may be they just cannot grasp the full dimension of the horror of seeing your loved one decline day by day from active partner to helplessness, from soul mate to downward spiraling child-like dependency. It is the death of a marriage, but a death that cannot be mourned through and integrated. So the Support Group becomes a family bonded by pain. As a poetic member of the group phrased it: we are "a band of the walking wounded". In this secure and understanding environment, it is easier to share our sorrows, our upsets, our annoyances, our frustrations. For me it was the only place where I could cry. But there are gains beyond ventilation and solace. We are at different stages -- I am one of the veterans, having been in the group for ten years. So there is advice to be shared, practical suggestions to newcomers, insights into the future.

What makes the Support Group so special is that its focus is on the caregiver and not, as usual, on the ill spouse. From this derives the message that we have to take care of ourselves, not only for our own benefit, but also to remain in condition to be able to handle the increasingly complex needs of our spouses. For me this was critical. The Group worked on me for two years before I could permit myself to employ a caregiver. Doing so made a major change in my life. The final element I want to mention that makes our experience so rewarding is the outstanding professional skills of our group leader, Sharon Shaw. Her capacity for caring, her sensitivity, and her ability to know when to intervene and how to draw people out are truly remarkable. She is not only admired, but also beloved.

In conclusion, I would like to express my Group's deep appreciation to the Alzheimer's Association for going beyond its research and services for those with Alzheimer's, and for recognizing the importance of caring for the caregiver. The traditional saying is that "to save a life is to save a world"; to which I want to add, “to save the quality of a life is also to save the quality of a world."